Happy 3rd Birthday

(Please turn off music at the bottom so you can hear Carmen's song...)



Three years ago on March 22, a beautiful little girl was born. She was born to a birth mother who loved her very much and a birth family that loved her dearly. We were lucky enough to be chosen to be her forever family through adoption. Carmen came early, about a month. I couldn't find a flight because it was Easter holiday and they were booked. How do I get to her? My only option. Greyhound. I was supposed to go to Kansas where she was born, but Carmen had an unbalanced AV canal which basically gave her HLHS. She had to be sent to Children's Mercy in KC, MO. So, I got off the bus in KC, MO, and got in a cab. I went directly to the hospital where I walked into the room by myself. I can remember seeing her the first time. She was so tiny. So beautiful. So perfect. I can remember the first time I held her in my arms. I can remember her like it was yesterday and I can remember when they told me how bad her heart really was. So many things happened in the five weeks I spent in KC, MO. I met a bunch of wonderful people-Carmen's birth mother, the nurses and staff at Children's Mercy, the wonderful people at the Ronald McDonald House at Longfellow, and the wonderful people at The Down syndrome Guild in KC, MO. After her open heart surgery at one week and two days of age, she fought day after day. I can remember her chest being open for over two weeks. I can remember her swelling and struggling. I can remember her fighting for her life. I can remember how much I loved her and that I just couldn't give up on her. I can remember her beautiful face and her sweet little hands. I can remember wishing my family could have been there to enjoy her. I can remember in my heart believing she would come home to us, but in my mind being scared. I can remember leaving her to come home for my oldest's confirmation. I can remember the hospital calling me in the middle of the night to tell me her heart had stopped and they were doing CPR. I can remember them calling me and telling me that she was gone. I can remember feeling like I had deserted her. I can remember the ache. I can remember the pain, but most of all, I can remember her. I can remember how extremely thankful I was and still am that I was chosen by her birth mother and by GOD to be her Mom. There is not one day EVER that I wish I never had been through it. I loved that little angel with every bit of my heart. Little Carmen taught me so much and taught everyone around her about love and acceptance, about strength and endurance and how love can be perfect in what some may view as an imperfect child. God bless you little angel. HAPPY BIRTHDAY-I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!!




If Tears Could Build A Stairway

Author: Unknown

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane.
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say "Goodbye".
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you -
No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times
life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today~
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.